Corporate Lessons  

Posted by Unknown

Corporate Lessons

While I get a chance to sit idle in the office (which thankfully TATA chemicals provide me in abundance), mind wanders on various things happening in the office. More importantly, the boss employee relation. Every thing seems anima(ted). Few lessons which I learnt.....

//pehla lesson kal hua mere saath//

Lesson Number One:
A crow( manager ) was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit(myself) saw
the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day?" The crow answered "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox( my boss :| ) appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral to the story is: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be
sitting very, very high up.

Lesson Number Two:
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the
top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull.
"They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him
enough strength to reach the first branch followed by the second branch. Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.


Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep
you there.

Lesson Number Three
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird
froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realise how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him!

Morals to the story:
1) Not everyone who dumps shit on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3) And when you're in deep shit, keep your mouth shut.

In Summary:
An organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at
different levels, some climbing up, some fooling around and some simply
just idling. The monkeys on the top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes. >:)

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Corporate Gita  

Posted by Unknown

Today i came across this one mail which Dad sent to me. Its just the modernisation of our religion, our culture, our belief.

Today also every employee is "arjun" who is skillful in his field. But is every boss "krishna"??


हे पार्थ !! (कर्मचारी),

इनक्रीमेंट अच्छा नहीं हुआ, बुरा हुआ…
इनसेंटिव नहीं मिला, ये भी बुरा हुआ…
वेतन में कटौती हो रही है बुरा हो रहा है, …..
तुम पिछले इनसेंटिव ना मिलने का पश्चाताप ना करो,
तुम अगले इनसेंटिव की चिंता भी मत करो,
बस अपने वेतन में संतुष्ट रहो….

तुम्हारी जेब से क्या गया,जो रोते हो?
जो आया था सब यहीं से आया था…
तुम जब नही थे, तब भी ये कंपनी चल रही थी,
तुम जब नहीं होगे, तब भी चलेगी,

तुम कुछ भी लेकर यहां नहीं आए थे..
जो अनुभव मिला यहीं मिला…
जो भी काम किया वो कंपनी के लिए किया,
डिग़्री लेकर आए थे, अनुभव लेकर जाओगे….

जो कंप्यूटर आज तुम्हारा है,वह कल किसी और का था….
कल किसी और का होगा और परसों किसी और का होगा..
तुम इसे अपना समझ कर क्यों मगन हो ..क्यों खुश हो…
यही खुशी तुम्हारी समस्त परेशानियों का मूल कारण है…

क्यो तुम व्यर्थ चिंता करते हो, किससे व्यर्थ डरते हो,कौन तुम्हें निकाल सकता है… ?
सतत 'नियम-परिवर्तन' कंपनी का नियम है…
जिसे तुम 'नियम-परिवर्तन' कहते हो, वही तो चाल है…
एक पल में तुम बैस्ट परफॉर्मर और हीरो नम्बर वन या सुपर स्टार हो,
दूसरे पल में तुम वर्स्ट परफॉर्मर बन जाते हो ओर टारगेट अचीव नहीं कर पाते हो..
ऎप्रेजल,इनसेंटिव ये सब अपने मन से हटा दो,अपने विचार से मिटा दो,
फिर कंपनी तुम्हारी है और तुम कंपनी के…..

ना ये इन्क्रीमेंट वगैरह तुम्हारे लिए हैंना तुम इसके लिये हो,
परंतु तुम्हारा जॉब सुरक्षित है
फिर तुम परेशान क्यों होते हो……..?
तुम अपने आप को कंपनी को अर्पित कर दो,
मत करो इनक्रीमेंट की चिंता…बस मन लगाकर अपना कर्म किये जाओ…
यही सबसे बड़ा गोल्डन रूल है
जो इस गोल्डन रूल को जानता है..वो ही सुखी है…..
वोह इन रिव्यू, इनसेंटिव ,ऎप्रेजल,रिटायरमेंट आदि के बंधन से सदा के लिए मुक्त हो जाता है….
तो तुम भी मुक्त होने का प्रयास करो और खुश रहो…..

तुम्हारा बॉस कृष्ण ……

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Joota, Maggi and Biryani..!!  

Posted by Unknown

Ever felt unheard??
The one standing in front is lying continuously nd you can't do anything??
You know things are not correct but you don't have the means of expressing yourself??

welcome to the new world of bowlers who bowl whatever they have in their hand ( or in their feet....or in their mouth even.. :) )

Head of the State of Uncle Sam, our very own Mr. Bush being the first person on the receiving end of this battle show showed calmness and forgave the opponent. But little did he knew that this forgiveness will start a whole new system of protest..

With elections on head in this country where people have a "say" in governing themselves (well thats what democracy is, i think), where they know that their votes are going to be manipulated anyhow, they got a new weapon in hand. A weapon which they always carried in their feet rose to the level of hands and became famed.

Aged people were also not barred from this act. Mr. Advani who I know is somewhere near 83 years of age was hit by a shoe. Same goes with our finance minister Mr. P Chidambaram. But the coincidence in all the cases is that all the bowlers missed their wickets!! And all the reciving people forgive the bowlers.

That was all with shoes only. So how come Maggi nd Biryani came into picture??

Well the BITSians are never behind in any thing. I know you got it right in what I am trying to say. Though tht was bad or good, only time knows. But the fact is this way of demonstration and getting heard has become quite common now.

Today a congress worker was eating a plate of biryani in Goa while attending a congress rally. On listening to his own party spokesperson, got so angry that he threw the plate of Biryani at him. And yet again it missed..!!

I can imagine the situation down the line...
People at railway station,bus stand etc. throwing all sort of stuff towards Enquiry counter as they never listen.
Babus getting shoes free of cost because unki to aadat hoti hai na sun ne ki.

Already some so called comp geeks have made games throwing shoes at bush, advani...!!

But still....this is not the way a civilised society should behave.

Rest is all upto the individuals...

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